Police called in to cool down randy billy goat

A hobby farmer in Norway has called in the police after an oversexed billy goat broke into his pasture and began terrorising his herd.

Police called in to cool down randy billy goat
The mystery ram has been bothering Bjørn Tore Espevik's goats. Photo: Bjørn Tore Espevik/Facebook

Morten Kronen of the Hordaland police told Norway's Dagbladet newspaper that the fact that his goats were castrated males rather than females had done nothing to cool the ardour of their unwanted suitor. 

“This goat is enormously virile and horny. It is affecting his goats,” he said. “It's so horny that it's about to burst, it's abusing the goats. We can only hope that the owner comes forward so we can cool this goat down.” 

Bjørn Tore Espevik complained that he now had to keep his four goats inside to protect them from the intruder.

“The goat is trying to catch the others, it's trying to gore them and chases them around. I don't want to pay the veterinary bills if he damages them, so I have had to lock them up,” Espevik told Dagbladet. 

Both Espevik and the local police have tried and failed to locate the owner of the ram, which has been not ear-marked in the traditional way.

“If the goat had been ear-marked, I could have found the owner in two seconds. But it only has a bell, and none of the neighbours know it,” Espevik told local Bergensavisen paper.

He hopes that the goat can be returned to his rightful owner before he causes more serious damage.

“If he comes into the pasture of someone who is doing proper goat breeding, it could get really serious. I hope someone picks him up. If nobody wants him, he will probably have to be put down,” he told Dagbladet.

The police also want the owner found urgently, even though Espvik's goats will soon be free to roam. 

“It's a really vicious ram. The rural police will have to go there tomorrow to catch this goat and leave it with the Food Safety Authority so that they get some help,” says Kronen.  


Jesus lives: altar wine prevents goat sacrifice

Jesus may not have to die for his sins after all, as the owner of a goat who attacked a police officer last weekend pledges to sell him for a canister of altar wine rather than throwing him on the grill.

Jesus lives: altar wine prevents goat sacrifice
Vålerenga footballer Martin Pusic professes his love for another Jesus (Photo: Lise Åserud: Scanpix)

When Jesus chased a mother and child up a tree on Saturday evening before aiming a powerful butt at an officer of the law, the animal’s owner said he had little choice but to sacrifice the billy goat in the interests of public safety.

But when animal lovers pleaded for the barbecue to be called off, Tor Brede Launes decided instead to put Jesus up for sale on the popular buy-and-sell website, newspaper Fædrelandsvennen reports.

“I want a canister of altar wine for him. I deserve at least that for him,” the farmer told the paper, adding that he would also help catch the goat to hand him over to any prospective buyer.

With the sale generating lots of interest in Norway, Launes could find that he loses a goat but gains a girlfriend.

“One woman who called wanted me as part of the deal; she saw it as a personal ad. I found that quite charming, so I’m going to follow it up a bit. If I end up getting a farm lady into the bargain, I’d have to say I’m reasonably well satisfied with Jesus,” he told broadcaster NRK.

Regardless of the farmer’s fate, Jesus now looks most likely to wind up leaving his island home in the south for a field on the west coast, where a budding breeder has expressed an interest in taking on the bad boy of the Norwegian goat scene.

With Jesus setting off to bleat in pastures new, Launes may have already succeeded in his bid to replenish his flock with a gentler beast. And the biblical theme seems set to prevail on the island of Fugløya, after neighbouring farmer Viggo Olsen offered to gift Launes an African pygmy goat called Josef.

Olsen assured Launes that while Joseph likes to jump fences, he’s not a fighter, making him unlikely to get pepper-sprayed by the police. And with a goat named Maria already residing on the island, Josef’s dreams could be about to come true.

“I’m 99 percent certain I’ll replace Jesus with Josef. Lots of people want Jesus, and I think Joseph will thrive on the island,” Launes told NRK.