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Petter Northug (a cappella)

The Local · 2 Mar 2012, 16:54

Published: 02 Mar 2012 16:14 GMT+01:00
Updated: 02 Mar 2012 16:54 GMT+01:00

Read all about it and watch the video.

Kvartetten DEO - Petter Northug

Who’s strong, who’s fast, who’s hard as steel?

Who’s best and always crosses the line first?

Who gets to hear the crowd roar?

Our hero Petter Northug!

And he lives his life by a philosophy

Of taking to the track with a wolfish scowl

Only to reveal in the sprint that he’s really a swine

Our hero Petter Northug!

He’s as handsome as a Greek Adonis, oh yes

All the girls are captivated.

For daily use and formal attire, he always wears a Norwegian cardigan

Sewn from the skin of polar bears

And his manly body bears a scent of tar

Paint thinner, oil, hard liquor and rust.

When he sleeps in the mountains of Svalbard

His chest hair is coated with frost

And when mere mortals have retired and the hour is late

He’s out chopping wood, hunting elk and carrying rocks

(Lots of rocks).

He has style, he has grace, he has heroism

And his chin is the size of a country shed

He has liquor and petroleum in his blood

And he’s steady as a pine trunk.

When Statoil’s oil prognosis fell apart

Well, our ski king really lost his temper

Slammed his fist on the bottom of the Skagerrak strait

Causing the oil to flow once more.

 

(Wax, wax, re-wax, re-wax etc.)

 

As a baby, Petter was the real deal

Spitting out tobacco and clubbing seals

When he turned eight

He had a hairy thigh

Clad in fur like Shere Khan

Even in the spring of his youth:

Bearded like a Taliban

And it’s said that he once wrestled with God

And won the bout without breaking a sweat.

He makes generations of men go from being

Heteros to homosexuals

And with his two-day stubble he can polish

Even the rustiest of scrap vehicles.

When he heads out to hunt whales in his Viking ship

He uses a net

And he only eats chili, wasabi and meat

He doesn’t even cry during Bambi when the mother dies

(She dies).

With a washboard solid as sub-volcanic rock

And a stare that can cut through Plexiglas

And a voice of rumbling infra-bass

Our hero Petter Northug!

He’s the man who’s idolized everywhere

He’s loved by each Russian, Inuit, and Baltic dweller

The entire cosmos proclaims it thousandfold:

Our hero Petter Northug is

Powerful as an emperor of steel

(A man of cast iron and his…)

His victory cry, loud as a male lion’s roar

(He roars loudly and he…)

Story continues below…

He is a god among gods and a man

Who can do everything

A true hero

A Don Juan

A king

He’s the one who’ll make you

Weak at the knees and give you butterflies in your stomach

Northug is super strong and utterly bizarre

(He can do kung fu and judo)

Not to mention the fact that he’s a whizz on guitar

(He strums the axe and his…)

His muscles are so flexed

What a guy (he’s everyone’s dad)

He’s got it all (got all the answers)

And the way he skis (he keeps nothing in reserve)

A ski Barbarian (a real man). Yes, he’s

Petter Northug, hero of heroes

Bloody Norwegian, this is your fanfare!

 

(Wax, wax, re-wax, re-wax etc.)

Translation: The Local

The Local (news@thelocal.no)

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